


How I Live Now

by kyoselflove



Category: Dir en grey, Jrock
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Apocalypse, Bad Weather, Blow Jobs, Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Near Death Experiences, Older Man/Younger Man, Violence, Weapons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-03
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-03-05 05:09:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3107315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyoselflove/pseuds/kyoselflove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Toshiya is alone in a world built on destruction and death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How I Live Now

**Author's Note:**

> \- I wish I could write a proper summary lol, sorry. This was written because leifang666 gave me the prompt, bad weather with a weapon, or something like that xD

The streets were bare, I knew it was dangerous in the cities but there was always the possibility there would be more loot left over, unlike in the countryside which was left completely ransacked. There were just some things that I had to prepare myself for when it all happened. I’m still not even sure what had happened. All I knew was that almost the whole world’s population was dead. Those left, had to fend for themselves. Even with so much death around us, people were still killing each other.

This is how I live now.

Huddled in a vacant convenience store, I was eating a can of peaches that took me almost an hour to open. The weather had turned bitter, the only clothes I had were leggings, a tank top, with a long jacket that went down to my thighs, and torn socks that covered my sore feet shoved in old combat boots. For my safety all I carried was a dagger, which was hoisted on my thigh, covered by my coat. Soon I would have to find somewhere to build a fire before I froze to death.

I was pretty sure that it was almost Christmas time. This is all happened around a year ago around the holidays. The thought of having someone with me always went through my mind. Never did have anyone to spend any romantic holidays with. Ridiculous right? But it was something I missed out in my past life and I wanted to know what it felt like to have such a relationship and make love before I die in this shit hole.

The world basically came to an end, and the last standing people wanted to either kill or rape me. Yes, I have come to realize my face is a curse; my smooth features were what most men found me attractive enough to be a woman, so I’m prime meat out there. Plus I am young and also lacked the ability to grow any facial hair. If only I could find a handsome man that would want to take me, willingly. 

A loud crack of thunder made me jump in surprise. “Shit.” Just what I needed, to be caught in a storm, wet and cold. Putting my can of peaches aside, I stood up, brushing the dirt from my already soiled clothes. Looking around the store, I tried to find an umbrella but with my luck, there was nothing. Packing a few more cans of peaches (that’s all that was left), I put on my bag on my bag and grabbed a newspaper to hold over my head, it was the best I could do.

The rain was coming down hard, my lips turned into a scowl as a ran across the street, giving up on the newspaper, I threw it aside and sought out shelter underneath one of the overhanging roofs. I had absolutely no idea where to go, I can’t believe I had survived this long.

In an instant, I flew back against a store window behind me, glass shattered, cutting my face. The air was knocked out of my lungs when I hit the ground. Looking down at my body, there was an arrow sticking out of the left side of my stomach, I let out a scream. My hands covered my mouth, forgetting where I was; now I just gained the attention of every looter in the area, not that it mattered since one just shot me.

Shifting on my good side, I crawled over the glass, trying to find a place to hide. When I cut more of my skin of the glass, I let out a quiet whimper. Another scream escaped me when I hand grabbed my leg dragging me across the floor and knocking me on my back. Still in shock, the man yanked me on to my feet, holding me, my back against his chest, his large hand enclosed over my mouth.

“Quiet.” The man growled in my ear, his grip over my mouth tightening. 

In my peripheral vision, I could see he was holding a crossbow in his other hand. I squirmed against him, he shot me and now he was going to have his way with me and then finish me off. “Stop it.” He whispered and I did, I was too scared. Did I really think I could get away from this situation? 

Looking out the broken window, there was a group of people walking on the street, but something was off about them. Slowly, the man walked backwards, I shuffled my feet, blindly following him with no choice. We ended up in a storage closet, he had lit a lantern and I was siting on the floor, waiting for my demise. The pain in my abdomen was intense so I couldn’t help but cry.

The man kneeled beside me and without warning he broke the arrow, making me scream out, and he quickly covered my mouth, muffling the sound. “I’m sorry, I thought you were one of them.”

After calming down a bit, I asked, “One of who?”

“A lurker.” He grabbed supplies from his back, and then I finally realized he is trying to help me. “I need to pull out the arrow, okay?” Placing the broken end of the arrow in my mouth, I nodded to him and he pulled it out. I bit down hard on the wood, more tears falling from my eyes. The question I had about what a lurker was went out the window.

My coat was pulled open and the man rolled up my ripped tank top, pressing clean gauze to my wound on my both sides and then wrapped it around. Surprisingly, it didn’t seem to bleed too much. “There.” I let out a shudder when his rough fingers caressed my skin, and my face heated up.

“Thanks for shooting me with a crossbow and then fixing me up.” I laughed, closing my coat back over my body, the outside air was seeping into their makeshift shelter. 

“I’m sorry.” The man sat down next to him and let out a sigh. “I’m Kaoru.”

“Toshiya.” It should be considered extremely wrong to be dreaming about the man that had almost killed me. But the image of him making love to me just flashed through my mind.

Kaoru barricaded the door and found an old bucket, threw in some scrap paper and old rags, he lit them on fire, a sudden warmth filling the room. Rummaging through his bag, Kaoru pulled out a fluffy blanket, I thought that it must be bottomless because he seemed to have everything. Soon we were both lying down, using our bags as pillows and shared the blanket along with each other’s warmth. He held me with my back against his chest, a feeling I was quickly becoming accustomed to. I could feel his heartbeat and it was a comfort I would do anything to keep. “We can use our body heat to stay warm.”

I sure as hell wasn’t complaining, I began to feel dizzy and I couldn’t fight it. Figuring the wound in my side was the cause, I couldn’t remember if in these kind of situations if it was better to sleep or not sleep. But it didn’t matter; I soon drifted off anyways in the stranger named Kaoru’s arms.

 

When I woke up, the fire was gone, not that I thought it would last, and I was shivering. I couldn’t control it and it must have woken up Kaoru because he held me tighter then sat up slightly to look down at me. “Shit.” That didn’t sound good; the look in his eyes wasn’t helping either.

“Am I dying?” I stammered out.

“I think you’re going into shock. Let me check your bandage.” The covers were slid of my body and I grimaced when I saw blood had leaked through the gauze. “People die from shock, don’t they?” My teeth were clattering together now and it made me cringe. 

After Kaoru wrapped new bandages around my torso, he got up and was removing the barricade from the door. “What are you doing?”

“I’m going to find some medicine for you. I can’t let you die.” Kaoru looked at him with a somber face. I recognized he was just feeling guilty for shooting me, this was technically his fault but it was bound to happen sooner or later.

“Please, don’t leave me.” My voice sounded as pathetic as I felt.

“I promise I’ll be back. If I don’t leave you’ll…” I got the message loud and clear, but I couldn’t help but feel he wouldn’t come back. Already I was used to his warmth, when would I ever find another man in this world like him? Handsome and caring, even if he almost killed me. Mind made up, I tried to get off the floor and he came running over to stop me.

“Don’t move. You need to rest.” His voice was sexy enough to arouse me even in my state; I really needed to get my priorities straight. I took a chance and grabbed his face, pulling him in and let our lips meet. Hardly romantic as my lips quivered against his, I broke away, lying back down. “Come back.”

Overcoming his shock, Kaoru only nodded and then was out the door. I couldn’t help but let out a small cry, even if he wasn’t killed, why would Kaoru come back? It was stupid to put trust into a stranger. Now I was going to slowly die in a storage closet, alone.

 

Warmth was back, I opened my eyes and arms were around me again. I sat up carefully, didn’t need to open my wound, that oddly felt better. Kaoru was holding me; he opened his eyes when I moved to sit up completely. “Hey, how you feeling?”

“Good. When did you get back?” Stretching felt good and man did my bones ache. But I was so happy that Kaoru actually came back, I smiled at him and wanted to kiss him again, properly.

“A few days ago. I was afraid you weren’t going to wake up.” I stared at him, days? Then…oh no. Pulling down the blanket, I noticed my leggings had been removed and replaced with a skirt. Not only was I mortified that Kaoru had been cleaning my body, but I was utterly fucking mortified! “Um…”

“Sorry, it was all I could find.” Kaoru didn’t seem to care, so I decided to just let it slide, because I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

“It’s fine.” We just sat there in silence; I noticed that the room had become warmer than last time. There was an actual fire going with wood in the corner, smoke drifted out the storage door that was opened a crack, I hoped that it wouldn’t alert any enemies. But I felt grateful, looking at Kaoru, I figured he was a man of few words. Pushing him back to lie down on our sorry excuse for a bed, I straddled his hips ignoring the pain in my side.

“What are you doing?” Kaoru’s eyes were wide and his hands were against my chest, not really pushing me away.

“Do you think it’s Christmas?” I asked letting my hands slip underneath his shirt, feeling his toned stomach a moan escaped my throat. 

His large hands grabbed my wrists, “Soon it will be. Now what are you doing?”

Freeing my hands, I leaned in closer to his face. “Come on, we are both men. When was the last time you had sex?” Me? Oh never. That didn’t make me naïve, before the end, I had pleasured myself with multiple toys. But I thought I was doing a great job with coming off as seductive. And I needed this before he or someone else decided to embed another arrow in my body.

My methods must have worked because he grabbed my face and crashed our mouths together. Rolling my hips, I felt that he was indeed happy with our current situation. Hands grabbed my legs; Kaoru gave them a squeeze, bucking his own hips to meet my keen humping. I could easily get off just doing this but I needed to last. Kaoru’s tongue entered my mouth and I was surprised that he tasted so good, though I couldn’t describe it. While I pecked Kaoru’s lips, I moved to undo his jeans with shaky hands. Now was not the time to be getting nervous. 

Kaoru’s pants were open enough to bring out his erection; I gave it a stroke, admiring its girth. When I moved down his body, a hiss fell from my lips; my hand went to my wound. 

“This isn’t a good idea.” Kaoru tried to sit up but I pushed him back down. “Let me at least do this.” Without waiting for a reply I took him into my mouth. I could hear him gasp, I began sucking on the head of his cock, I moved up then licked down to the base, using my free hand to massage his balls. Once I had a taste, I couldn’t stop. My open mouth ran along the side, releasing hot breaths, then back to take his whole cock down my throat. At first I gagged but quickly recovered. Bobbing my head up and down over his cock, I looked up to see him watching me with half open eyes, his lips curling into a smile.

This was to good to pass up; I needed to feel him inside me. It didn’t matter if it was a good idea or not, when would this opportunity arise again? Letting the cock fall from my mouth, I moved back up his body. The heat was coursing through me, the moment I had been living for, it seemed like he didn’t want to protest anymore as I slowly eased over his erection. It burned a little due to the lack of lube, but it still felt better than any dildo I had ever used.

A few minutes must have passed before I began to ride him slowly. Kaoru’s low deep breaths edged me on to pick up my pace. 

Everything around me became a blur; the danger beyond the blocked door was a distance memory, we finish together and for the first time in my new life, I feel satisfied. 

Kaoru mumbles an apology, maybe because he hadn’t last long. But neither did I. And I could careless because it was still amazing and I hoped there would be a second, third, and fourth time, at least. 

 

“It’s snowing again.” Raising my hands, I watched as the snowflakes melted against the palm of my skin. Kaoru smiled, a cut against his right cheek bent as his lips became wider. The past few weeks were not easy, but I guess it never was anymore. But at least we have each other.

I’ve begun to realize that I should just be living for the present, not the future. Enjoying every moment as they come, because each one is beyond precious. A moment like this with Kaoru, snowflakes mingling with his long hair and giving a smile that was just meant for me, were perfect and gave me the strength to keep fighting for another day.

“Happy New Year.” His arm rested on my hip, I blinked and felt my own mouth stretching into a grin.

“How do you know?” As my eyes searched for an answer on his face, a flurry fell into my eye, making me snort out a laugh.

“I just do.”

**Author's Note:**

> nd I tried first person POV again, I don't know just playing around with it. This was supposed to be longer but my mind couldn't produce anything else. Hope it was enjoyable, kudos and comments are love <3


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